I have a tshirt store in Los Angeles. Our best seller is the I Love New York design.

To measure a short distance, I had to choose between a scissor, and a ruler. After much deliberation, I chose the scissor.

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Some friends of mine and I got together and decided to start our own organic farm. We knew location was gonna be important, so we decided to put it on Wall Street, NYC.

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Every time Willis crosses Chicanery Blvd he twitches and shouts. When he reaches the other side, he goes back to normal.

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I woke up in the middle of the night, something disturbed me. My room was pitch black. I heard a mysterious humming sound coming from the kitchen. The sound got louder, and I got more terrified. I was speechless, and my better judgement told me to stay put. Then, a shadowed figure appeared before my bedroom door. It had stopped making the noise, and it stood there motionless. Trembling with fear, I switched on the lamp by my bed, and revealed the figure. It turned out to be my wife eating chocolate.

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As I exited the room, I turned the knob and pulled it right out of the door.

Mortimer sat on his puffy leather chair, enjoying the comfort of his penthouse suite. His suite was perched on the top floor of a 50 story residential high-rise. With classical music softly chiming, he sipped a glass of wine while reading the paper. Suddenly, a gust of wind blew the wall off the side of the building.

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I wanted to ask my mom if we have a digital camera. She was asleep, so I googled it.

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I flipped on the game in time to see the coin toss. When the result was heads, I exclaimed, “That’s boloney!”

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Every time I walk into work, my boss exclaims, “Bingo!” He doesn’t do it when any of the other employees come in.

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On my way to work with briefcase and keys in hand, I stepped out of my house. I locked my door and turned around to see the earth splitting in two. My car, and the concrete it sat on, plunged downward never to be seen again.

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By the time my lunch break came, I was starving. I opened my lunch box to find that my mom had packed it only with stones and pebbles, and no food.

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I made the mistake of letting out a cough while facing a royal palm tree. Sure enough, the tree toppled to the ground.

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On my flight from Miami to London, I demanded that I reach my destination in no more than 10 minutes.

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I asked for a price check on a bag of crackers. They turned out to be priced at five hundred dollars.

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My company is a non-profit organization. When everybody’s salary is paid, there is no profit leftover.

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I soldered two pieces of wood in an L shape.

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Every year, I plant my empty water bottles in the ground. After about 90 days, I harvest a case of full water bottles.

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The element of surprise is key in battle. Therefore, Christmas is the best time to go to war.

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Four plus four equals nine.

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My company proudly designs and manufactures pens that don’t write.

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I buy printer paper that is enhanced with minerals for a pure, fresh taste.

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I wouldn’t be the first person to say that the class of 1980 was lacking.

I dropped my garden trowel on the ground earlier today, leaving a six foot wide crater.

Last night, I attended a cocktail party on the roof of a two-story town house. At some point, I clumsily dropped my wine glass over the railing. Fortunately, it landed on the pavement and remained intact.

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“I left my husband recently,” says a woman to her new friend. “I used to live in California with him and our daughter. He got on my very last nerve, so I left. I got in his car, and drove all the way to London, and here I am.”

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“We need some celery,” says a woman to her husband.

“I’ll get it. I’m going out anyway,” he answers. He exits the house where he is blown far away by a gust of wind.